It’s Not the Stimulus, it’s the Response

“Don’t get upset with people or situations, both are powerless without your reactions.” My sister posted this on Facebook as a statement from Lionel Richie.

I wrote to her, that it reminded me of: “It’s not the stimulus, it’s the response.”

That statement is on my desk. It used to be on my wall at work. It was a constant reminder to myself of where the focus should be in my work life…and my personal life.

“It’s not the stimulus, it’s the response” was the motto of the six-day workshop I took a couple of decades ago. It was a workshop for minority professionals hosted by Pacific Bell — the most meaningful workshop I ever participated in. Led by the group, the Efficacy Institute, which spawned Carol Dweck’s Fixed Mindset/Growth Mindset theories, the workshop was designed to demonstrate and teach minority professionals how to cope and succeed in the white corporate workforce.

The workshop spanned three days, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of one week. We returned one month later and completed the final three days in the same sequence, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

I remember leaving the workshop feeling like I could accomplish whatever I wanted to accomplish in my life. I knew I had the skills and wherewithal within me to do so. It was very liberating.

We began with an exercise that taught us to learn what our limits were, to be comfortable with what our limits were, to not compare our limits with others and how to improve upon our limits incrementally by moderate risk-taking.

We learned about learned helplessness. Attribution theory. The American model of success: innate ability versus effort.

Win-win. The process of development. The importance of affiliation in business relationships. The psychology of performance. Levels of self-confidence. And more.

In addition to ‘it’s not the stimulus, it’s the response,’ there was a list of Efficacy principles which we were taught.

Thoughts determine actions.

If what you are doing is important to your development, approach it with the objective: find out how good you can be.

In fearing the lie (that we are intellectually) inferior, we ourselves play the dominant role in perpetuating it.

Win-win is the way to maximize games.

We must assume that others are at least capable of honesty. Take the lead in building trusting win-win relationships.

If you don’t focus on the real objective, you won’t see win-win.

The workshop was one of the key components towards my self-understanding, my life and business management and my inner contentment. I am forever in debt to that workshop and that statement for directing me down the path to clarity and personal fulfillment.

“It’s not the stimulus, it’s the response.” Lionel Ritchie’s statement reflects the same message. African Americans continue to suffer because too many don’t know this.